Penny Bail Bonds Anger Tips
By Anthony Fiore, Ph.D.
http://www.angercoach.com
http://www.angercoachonline.com

Anger Tip # 6 – Just Say “NO” Sandwiched Between “Yes.”

Forty-Five year old Robert, a truck driver, had been married 4 years to his new wife. They were struggling with working out communication patterns in a blended family consisting of a 25 year old daughter (hers) who had a husband and a 3 year old child.  On a recent Sunday afternoon, while dining with the family, Robert noticed that the 3-year old child was feeding the aquarium fish, against house rules. Robert asked him politely to stop; he did, but then the child’s father told Robert that the problem wasn’t the child’s; rather, Robert shouldn’t have left the fish food out which provided access to the child. Robert deeply resented this remark, but held it in to prevent family conflict. Later in the afternoon, the son-in-law made another remark which offended Robert. This time he unleashed a flurry of anger, to the extent that the family later decided to do an “intervention” on him to encourage enrollment in anger management.

Saying “no” can be awkward, guild-inducing, nerve racking, embarrassing, and even risky to friendship, career, and family. But, not saying “no” when you hold resentment can also lead to angry outbursts, as it did in Robert’s case. According to experts in the field, to say “yes” to the right things, you have to say “no” to a lot of other things.

The trick to being a good “no sayer” is to serve your “no” sandwiched between two “yeses.”

The idea is to be assertive—to get your point across—without offending or antagonizing others.

To avoid the family turning on him, yet not sitting there with building resentment, Robert should have said something along the following lines:

“Many parents feel the way you do( a “yes”) but I feel that parents should instruct their children on how to behave in other people’ s homes, as no-one can completely “child-proof” a house. (a “no”). Besides, I believe that children need to learn what the boundaries are so they can behave properly in public. You are such good people and we love having you guys here, sharing your lives with us. Let’s find a way to agree on the rules for your child when he is here (a “yes”)

As we constantly teach our anger management participants, often the outcome of a communication is not so much WHAT you say, as HOW you say it. Try saying “no” (or negatives) sandwiched between two “yeses” (or positives) and see if you can’t generate different, more positive, outcomes.

Penny Bail Bonds Anger Tips are brought to you as a community service by Penny Bail Bonds  and The Bail Bond Store.