Penny Bail Bonds Anger Tips
By Anthony Fiore, Ph.D.
http://www.angercoach.com
http://www.angercoachonline.com

Anger Tip # 23- Never Marry Potential: Lessons from the Fable of the Scorpion and the Frog

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.
The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.
Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.
"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"
"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you won’t try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.
"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"
Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"
"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"
"Alright then...how do I know you won’t just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.
"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"
So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.
Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.
"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"
The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drowning frog's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature."
Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.
Self destruction - "It’s my Nature", said the Scorpion...
Moral of this story as applied to relationships? We often get angry at our spouses because they don’t live up to our expectations when, in fact, what you expect may not be in their nature, even though you would like it to be.
Angry people often assume that their disappointment is due almost entirely to the poor of inadequate behavior or performance of the other person.
Actually, the disappointment can also be caused by your misguided expectations of the other person or the situation itself (like your expectations of marriage). Back to our fable: you can live with a scorpion, but to prevent anger (or worse), you need to know what to expect from scorpions.
When we are dating, we often don’t really see the other person for what they are; we see them for what we want or need them to be.
Why don’t we initially see the flaws that are so obvious later in the relationship?  One reason is chemistry. When in love or lust, our brain chemistry changes in ways to distort realistic perception of the other. (That is, we are on some kind of pink cloud).  Another reason is that some people do no reveal certain characteristics to you until you are “hooked” on them—when it is very difficult to back out.
Even if we do see the flaws, some of us mistakenly assume that the other will improve or change those flaws after marriage. Sometimes they will, but it is dangerous to assume that you can change them, or that your love will be enough to change them. Remember, you may be married to a scorpion.
Better to have the attitude: “what you see is what you get.”
If expectations are too high, anger may develop later in the relationship when it is becomes obvious that the other isn’t going to change, either because they don’t want to or they are incapable of changing.
This is why we advise our anger management people to adapt the attitude that if your partner does decide to change, consider it a bonus - not a requirement.
What if you disapprove of aspects of your partner’s behavior, yet you still want to continue the relationship for other reasons? Rather than getting angry, try acceptance. Nobody gets 100% of what they want in a relationship; try accepting the negative in the broader context of many positives.
Instead of brooding, put the challenge on yourself to find ways to develop more effective coping mechanisms to deal with your partner’s disturbing behaviors.  

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