Penny Bail Bonds Anger Tips
By Anthony Fiore, Ph.D.
http://www.angercoach.com
http://www.angercoachonline.com

Anger Tip # 10-Don’t Yell At Your Children: Offer Choices Instead

A recent trend seen in anger management clients is that of young mothers seeking skills to deal with anger and frustration experienced in parenting their children. Under much stress, these mothers find themselves “blowing up” at normal childhood behavior and not having the tolerance and patience they would like. Most good parents feel guilty when they experience negative emotions toward their children. Yet, it is very common. The typical scenario is one in which children will not do what parents request resulting in escalating anger by the parents resulting in increased defiance by the child.
In fact, some recent parenting books are now recommending anger management for mothers who are having difficulty coping with their children. After getting angry, these mothers often feel intense guilt and shame for their behavior.
The eight tools of anger control taught in The Anger Coach classes can be of great help to these mothers. These tools include dealing better with stress, adjusting your expectations of your children, learning how to respond instead of react, and changing self-talk (your internal dialogue) to reduce anger and stress.
One specific anger management strategy that works well with parents is to stop yelling (that always makes things worse) and instead calmly offer choices (that are acceptable to you) to your child. For a younger child, the choice might be something like “Would you like to take you bath before we watch television or after?” (Notice that the child still will have to take a bath; but choice gives him a sense of control).
For an older child, the choice might be something like: “You can go to sleep anytime you like as long as you get up in the morning to go to school and you get good grades.”
Reasoned and well thought-out choices offered by parents help children develop good judgment, and a sense of control over their own lives often resulting in less need to be defiant. And less defiance from children goes a long way toward reducing parental anger.

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